3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Being Offended
Apr
Who do you blame when something goes wrong? Or do you reflect on the situation instead of pointing fingers at others?
Oftentimes, we find ourselves wondering how to never be offended.
Why?
Because when we are offended, we are not productive.
@Ben Johnson, CEO of, says during his episode on the Management Blueprint podcast that we have a choice whether to take responsibility for our situation or be victimized by it.
There’s nothing in between. However, many people’s default choice is to be victimized, because, after all, why should they be accountable for a mistake they never committed? If you ever found that an employee is repeatedly stealing from you, how would you react?
You could always say that you’re hurt or that you feel betrayed but how would that help the situation? Instead of staying in that victim mentality, you should take responsibility for what happened. Try to think how you could have prevented that instance from happening again.
Maybe you never had a background check in your employment process and the first time you performed one, you discovered that your employee had a history of theft. So, what now?
No, you will not curse or hate your employee. Yes, you can fire them, but you will also add a background check to your employment process for your next job openings. What does this say to you? That victims are stuck but creators take responsibility. Victims are reactive, helpless, anxious, and have self-limiting beliefs that keeps them stuck.
So, you want to make sure that you transition into the creator mindset because when you do, you will be more compassionate with yourself and you can take responsibility for what matters the most.
Responsibility is the ability to respond and the person who is able to respond takes ownership and fix problems. However, people who don’t take ownership are powerless to respond. But how do you learn how to take responsibility and never be offended?
Below are the questions Ben asks himself through journaling to reflect on every situation.
Question 1. What emotions am I feeling?
This allows you to vent and get your feelings out in the open, which is something many people struggle to do. The goal of asking this question is to figure out what your thought about the emotion is, or what triggered your emotion.
Have you experienced when your significant other is too busy to give you their attention, you think that they don’t like you anymore, right?
However, that meaning comes from your thoughts, not from what that other person is actually thinking. If you think about it, meanings come from us and what we believe. And so, we need to figure out what meaning or belief we are applying in the situation and if that is actually true.
Question 2. Are my feelings true?
Sometimes, what our beliefs are, is actually making the situation worse and is jailing you in the victim mindset. If your beliefs are affecting you negatively, you have to find a way to turn them around. Your partner being busy does not mean they don’t love you anymore.
Your employee stealing from you means you need to fix something in your system to prevent that from happening again. Figure out what your beliefs are true and which ones are false
Question 3. How does this belief affect me or the people around me?
This question allows you to reflect on yourself and others. Sometimes, one situation can cause so much negative energy towards you that it affects how you work or how you function in your daily life. You can actually turn bad situations to positive learning and sustainable ways forward.
This also helps you reflect on things you usually miss. So, paying attention matters.
But after all those questions, what now? Get the maximum result from the negative situation.
A true leader will take ownership of what happened and creates a solution instead of feeling sorry for themselves.
Conclusion:
How life plays on you is not anyone’s responsibility but yours. Nothing will come out of the situation if you decide to play the victim.
Okay, you’re the victim but does that situation make anything better?
No, it never does. So, always choose to never be offended and be responsible for what matters the most.
Always ask: “Do I take responsibility or do I blame?”
Your answer defines you.
